Ok, so I hate dogs. There you go. I've said it. Sorry dog lovers but it's mostly true. Sometimes it seems safer to criticize the sancrosanct halls of religion than the glorious cultural institution of dog ownership.
It's not that I hate any one dog in front of me panting or chasing a stick or one I'm petting. In fact I find dog faces and actions to be charming (except the nose-in-crotch-move), even cute. And I'm perfectly willing to put up with the nose-in-crotch or even the dog-shit-on-shoe. Unfortunately dogs also bark and whine. And this I hate.
Of course most dog owners think those annoying dogs are the other guys, but I'm pretty sure that can't be true. Those barking dogs all over must be owned by some of the people who think their dogs rarely bark. BARKING DOGS REALLY STRESS ME OUT. And this makes me wonder why people love dogs so much given that they bark, given that they know they will annoy their HUMAN neighbors, keep them up, put them on edge. How does one justify impacting 20 people who live around you so you can once in awhile walk your dog or rub his head???
Annoy isn't quite the right word though; it under-sales the annoyance. It's about more than just an annoyance. Example: Often these days I can't go out in my back yard to pick a tomato because...a stupid dog, one I've tried to make friends with no success, barks wildly at me. This makes me feel like I lost ownership of my back yard and my garden, enjoyments I deserve but are now taken away from me because someone believes owning a dog is vital to their lives.
Yet if the dog is vital why do I hear the owner yelling constantly at the dog to shut-up? I do not understand dog ownership. I simply do not. That's ok but if someone wants a dog please don't share the negative aspects of such a purchase with me, your neighbor. I didn't choose to buy a dog and I don't get any of the benefits (face licks? companionship? goofy looks we anthropomorphize?).
Nervously awaiting attacks from readers.
12 comments:
A-fucking-men. While I've become far less reactionary these days, I am still tweaked by people who let their dogs bark out in the yard at strangers. This is not the dogs fault, you see. They are doing what they think best--shouting at a perceived threat (or friend.) What would shut the dog up is if the person who owns it would actually go out into the damn yard and see what all the fuss is about. Yelling at a dog is tantamount to joining her barking. Do people who have dogs really know so little about their behavior? It seems so.
I bet you dog bones to chew toys that if the owner came out and investigated and put dominance over the dog it would stop barking at you from across the fence.
See it is not the dog that is the problem. It is the idiotic owners. These are the same people who while their dog is charging at you or your small child with teeth bared and growling state "he won't hurt anybody!" Jesus.
Being a dog owner I have to say..... I completely agree. Every time I go outside in my backyard I am acoustically assaulted by three little shits next door. We ended up trying out one of those ultrasonic bark inhibitor contraptions, but to no avail. What is my dog doing? Hell if I know, leaving poop sculptors on my floor mostly because I don't want to leave him outside when we're gone to bark and annoy the neighbors.
so...yeah. I agree with you on all that. Why do we own dogs? Why did they co-evolve with us? I had one as a kid and I rarely saw him. He was the hairy ghost who lived in the backyard. My mom made me pick up his shits and now and then I'd take him for a walk. But our dog now... well, he's part of the pack. He lives with us. He hangs out with us when we're just chillin, he goes on vacation with us. He reads and responds to my emotions better than my human husband. (perhaps I'm anthropomorphizing a bit here but I'm not sure). When I'm upset, he comforts me and in return I take care of him. I think he holds a valuable place in the home. But that's just it, he's mostly IN the home. I don't know if I'm a responsible dog owner, but I know it's possible to be responsible.
I hate cats!! They shit in the house!! What else need be said? They are quiet, but lots of things are quiet. Like nerve gas. Nerve gas is quiet. Cats are passive aggressive. Dogs are aggressive. Maybe they are barking because they can't talk. They have something to say. Maybe that something is, "Don't hate me just because you have to work all day and I can just sit here and bark."
I'm not a huge cat fan either; nothing against cats just not a huge fan. Thing is, though, at least my cat doesn't shit in my neighbor's house.
acoustically assaulted--that is THE phrase I was searching for.
I don't know about that, Good Dr. Cats too can get up to all sorts of noisiness--particularly at night in one's alleyway, or in ones back yard at any freaking other time: http://youtu.be/Z1TEESDpk7A
or
http://youtu.be/tJW6lf6fKOE
I've never really thought of cats as passive aggressive, either. Mostly I see them as ornery as fuck with occasionally moments of sheer bliss. Kind of like me.
My dog has never shit in my neighbor's house. Or even in their yards.
See? I'm a superior dog owner. Don't be a hater!
And yes, theorris, I agree, sometimes at night those cats can be quite pesky. And loud.
We should all just keep llamas. You always know where you stand with a llama: in their way.
I absolutely hate dogs too. Our neighbor used to put his out every day at 5am sharp and leave him out until 5:30am (we assume while he showered or got ready for work). The dog would bark incessantly. Finally, we walked past his house and got his house # from the mailbox. Then we looked up his phone number (fortunately it was listed). We then called him as soon as the dog started barking each morning. He would never pick up. After a few days, he got the hint and stopped putting the dog out. Before we started calling, this had been going on for several months.
I hate the barking. I hate the idiots walking their dogs who let their dogs shit in my yard. I hate my neighbor's dog that barks at me while I mow. I hate dogs jumping up on me. I hate dog people that have to get home to let their dogs out. WTF just leave them outside, they're dogs!
I hate guinea pigs too. They're worthless. And while we're at it, Ferrets stink to high heaven. And mice? Snake food I tell you. Rabbits are mean as hell, Monty Python had it right. Once we "owned" a spider named Philip who made his home in between one of the stairs to the basement. But I think I might have accidentally vacuumed him up. But rats... now there is man's best friend. (if you can get past their unsightly tails).
A good reality check Spontaneous which I will use as an opportunity to qualify my comments.
I don't really hate dogs and did not want my post to inspire hatred for dogs or animals. If you must know, I cringe at any violence towards cats, dogs, birds, etc. Even yelling. And I think violence towards animals often indicates something pretty sicko about individuals.
Having said that I do believe there is a culture of DOG that allows for little criticism. This culture relies on cuteness and anthropomorphism to insulate itself from necessary scrutiny. One such scrutiny: why do so many people think they must have a dog in order to be a real family even if they do not have the time, means or will power to train and take care of a dog?
Opening up the culture of DOG, in my view, would, yes, help people like me who tire of acoustic entrapment but would also, ultimately, help out dogs too. I just can't imagine a dog who barks all day is that content. The happier dogs are the happier I will be.
my cheeky comment was certainly not meant as any sort of indictment. I know you to be a good hearted individual to man and beast alike. I truly think guinea pigs are worthless pets. (and I do miss Philip although I've seen various incantations of him since the Hoover Carnage)
I agree that the concept of dog ownership has it's crazy irrational aspects. Not being a dog owner yourself, you probably don't even know the half of it. When Toby was just a pup I took him to doggy daycare to help him get "socialized". After a few sessions and some very expensive daycamp charges, I realized how ridiculous that all is. It's a warehouse with big cement floors with kid toys scattered about and a pool of water and lots and lots of dogs. They even have a "pet cam" so you can admiringly watch your dog humping all the other dogs while you are at work. The vet I take him to has travertine tiled floors and a fancy fireplace with fresh cookies...(which translates into money money money). Come to think of it, I think they are who suggested the doggy day care to me in the first place. (who knows, maybe they even have a financial interest in it). Dogs are a big business and we are prey to these evil machinations by our emotional vulnerabilites. Stay strong Ron. Don't let the black nose and floppy ears zombiefy you like they do me. I even heard once that having a dog is like a status symbol. Like a two car garage, a healthy 401K and a wife with trophy boobs.
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