An amazing week (angel of doubt—see last post and an engaging yet light book club discussion of Robert Kirby’s Angel of death) topped off with Carol Lynn Pearson’s Facing East at the Black Box at the Rose Theatre. Pearson's play begins with Alex and Ruth at their gay son’s (Andrew) funeral who had committed suicide:*************************************************************
ALEX. Ruth? I need to ask you. Ever since this happened, I’ve had the feeling—
(RUTH goes to the flower arrangement at the head of the grave and lifts out a rose)
RUTH. I should have taken one for Aunt Edna. A red one.
ALEX. -–that you’re relieved—
RUTH. They dry so nice if you hang them upside down. And spray them.
ALEX. ---Glad almost
RUTH. Ahh!
ALEX. Ruth? Are you relieved that our son is dead?
RUTH. Can I have your handkerchief, Alex? Used up all my Kleenex
[…]
ALEX. Ruth! Are you relieved?
RUTH. Every day of my life I will wake up wondering how I can live in a world that does not have Andrew in it.
[…]
ALEX. But are you relieved?
RUTH. He’s with his Heavenly Father now. Free from sin. Wouldn’t you rather?
Alex. No! No!
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From this exchange on I vacillated between choking up, sniffling, and fighting back streams of tears. I’ve never cried so much in a public performance in my life, never been aware of so many people around my crying at a public performance. Luckily there were several humorous releases. Right after Alex’s refusal to buy into Ruth’s sick "relief," she says, “[Andrew] looked so peaceful. A look I had not seen for many years” to which Alex replies, “He looked dead, Ruth.” A bit morbid but it allowed us a brief respite from the anguish and tears.
And, for me I think, the play elicited the best kind of emotion: not mere pity, not only horror but overwhelming sadness and empathy for this family and for Andrew’s lover. Yes, Ruth seemed like a "messianic" bitch from hell at times but at other times, like when she recounts how she asked Andrew to help her break a prescription drug habit and when she describes her daily routines: “I make breakfast and then I pray for Andrew…I think through what we will have for dinner and then I pray,” Pearson brings out her humanity.
The experience was also a bit odd. I mean how many times have I been, especially with my wife, in a situation where being a heterosexual couple sticks out? There were lots of gay people there. A good experience for us, to get out of our comfort zone, to experience for the briefest of moments what it might be like to feel different, to be in community with all our brothers and sisters. Of course it’s also sad: these folks already have empathy for Andrew, already question the hypocritical LDS stand on homosexuality, preaching to the choir as it were. The woman next to me, probably in her late 50s or 60s, accompanied by her husband, sniffled during the entire play; she also cried out, generally when Ruth was particularly cruel, “God no.” It was clearly a painful experience for this woman but it only confirmed her own beliefs and passions.
I kept thinking about a comment Pearson made on RadioWest: “I’d like to get a special viewing of the play for LDS General Authorities.” I just can’t imagine how this woman has retained full activity in the LDS church; maybe it’s because she lives only miles away from San Francisco. I read once, in Sunstone, of a Mormon bishop who formed a weekly meeting with the gay members within his boundaries. What a Saint! Maintaining activity as a Mormon yet knowing and understanding the foibles and tragedy of certain policies might be the most valiant and courageous acts of all.
One of the most poignant moments came when Marcus, Andrew’s lover, is revealing the real Andrew to his parents. He tells how the night of Andrew’s excommunication the first counselor in the ward visits their home. He and his wife give the gay couple a talk on relationships, doing nice things for each other, etc. They end by the husband kneeling in prayer to bless each man and their home. There is a couple is takes their temple covenants seriously.
The play is full of trees: they speak to the trees (everyone else has gone off to the post-funeral lunch) as they re-do Andrew’s funeral; the backdrop is green filled with shadowy treelike branches; we, the audience, are the trees overhearing the truth; it's all brought together when Marcus uses a tree analogy in trying to help Ruth understand why Andrew acted on his sexual feelings:
**********************************************************************************
RUTH. Having those feelings isn’t the problem. Only if you—
MARCUS. Act on them.
RUTH. Yes
MARCUS. Ah! Hey, tree! I love you, tree! Just hate that blossoming thing you do every spring. Hate that blossoming. But you I love!
RUTH. Celibacy is an honorable option.
MARCUS. It is. Though most trees find springtime hard to resist.
*********************************************************************************
Emotionally I wanted to laugh, but they were teary laughs of insight. Beautiful; it was raw honesty and true beauty.
7 comments:
Hey Ron,
That sounds like an interesting play. I'd like to see it played for the General Authorities, too.
I like the tree metaphor alot. My frien Marcus once told me that his attraction to men has nothing to do with sex--it's emotional. Looked at that way, it seems almost sinful not to act on it.
And speaking of Mormons doing good things while remaining within the community, have you heard of Terrence Williams (Terry Tempest
)? She's a writer/activist doing some pretty cool stuff I would never expect of a still-practicing Mormon.
I'm not sure what "tough decisions" you're making about your religious life (although I'm sure it won't take long to travel through the family grapevine), but it sounds like you're taking a brave stand. Good to hear.
Terrence??
Terry Tempest Williams, yes. I've heard her speak a couple of times. Her best book, I think, Refuge is amazing. I'm not quite sure, though, how "practicing" she is. My sense is not very much.
This is one of the make-or-break issues for me, and it continues to break--most recently, I suppose, over the amendment to the Utah state constitution.
Angels in America helped to illuminate it, as well. Thanks for such a full account of this play.
This topic brings to mind a favorite quote:
"Why am I trying to become what I don't want to be? What am I doing in an office, making a contemptuous, begging, fool of myself, when all I want is out there, waiting for me the minute I say I know who I am!" --Death of a Salesman
I love that Carol Lynn Pearson leads the way in asking our gay brothers and sisters to brave self-acceptance, and, just as importantly, for the rest of the congregation to love and accept them unconditionally. Go Carol!
what an apropo quote CB!
You've come out of the blogger closest; the next step is to set up your own blog
Actually, it wasn't CB. Try ES.
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